And then she’s gone.Īllure's October cover star Billie Eilish breaks down every detail of her music video for 'What Was I Made For?' from the 'Barbie' soundtrack. “Yeah, right,” she says, perfectly confident in her skills, her talent, and, hopefully, herself. “I’m going to win next time,” I say, nodding at the table. She turns to me as she opens the door, already moving on. It’s still sweet but not cloying it dances through the air with little effort. The perfume has settled into the couch, a final parting gift that conditions the leather just a bit. It sounds like a secret shared between us, however simple the notion is. The more I am myself, the better my life is,” she says, leaning closer in her chair to make her point. “But the more I think about being myself, the better my life is. She throws her hands up in the air, smiling and grieving at the same time - conflicting feelings that on her shoulders feel perfectly synchronized. Then I grew up a little, and suddenly life was like, These aren’t going to work. These are the things that make me happy, and this is my recipe for how I’m going to make music and be happy. I found all the ways!” She laughs at her own naivete, leaning back in her chair - moving, moving, always moving, even when she’s sitting down. 3 will be the last fragrance in the collection that launched in 2021. It was many, many years of having to convince a room full of people that I was going to do what I knew was right for me. People could have done crazy shit, and I didn’t let them. ![]() Between being a 14-year-old girl, and Finneas being a 17-year-old boy, and us making these little songs - we had to be very clear we weren’t going to just do what anybody said. “I have to give credit to the person I’ve always been - I did not give a fuck at all. She smiles, wickedly now, revealing the mischievous nature you see in her music videos. Both are industries that defer to older experts. But in either space, beauty or music, she’s still likely to be one of the youngest in the room, surrounded by people who think they know better than she does. There’s no sophomore slump for her in either industry - her songs sell well, her perfumes do too. ![]() By now she’s been in the music industry for seven years and counting, and she’s on her third perfume. It's the closest thing to closure I can offer, really. "Sometimes artists don’t have plans, and that’s fine, but I did, and I wasn’t going to waste them." I’ve settled for less than I deserved, and I’m not going to do that anymore.” She shifts again in her seat, and I consider whether we should get back to Ping-Pong so she can hit something and watch it sail through the air. “I have settled many times with things and people and life. I have a really big problem with control,” she adds, “so I’ve been trying to teach myself that there are things out of your control and you have to move on.” That means keeping things moving even when it might hurt. And this motorcycle pulled up next to the car, and this guy’s helmet had a sticker on it that said in all caps, ‘Move on.’ I was sitting there like, Oh. I was not getting better, and didn’t know when I would. “There was this moment when I was in Paris, we were driving around, and I was in a bad place. ![]() (I don’t ask her about her relationship status.) But it is clear she’s done some letting go herself, shaped by epiphanies she had on the road during her world tour. Letting things go is a hard lesson to learn for anybody, but a brutal one to learn when your every move is in the news, every relationship hyper analyzed. When I think too much about it, how I can never have privacy again, it’s enough to make you want to do all sorts of crazy things. I have impending-doom feelings most of the day. I’m starting to do better, but I’ve not been doing so great, to be honest. That’s the thing about diving into the hurt - I don’t need to do that. Does she ever want to hide from the exposure, the weight of all that fandom? She stills, then shakes off the question, or the troubles it leads to.
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